I wrote last week of beginning my weight loss journey, and I have wrote several times on compassion, self-love, etc. Well I found out this weekend that it seems to be a lot easier to WRITE about it then to PRACTICE it.
I was committed to change my patterns this weekend of having my activities revolve around craft beer and do something new. Well that lasted through Friday afternoon, then I went to happy hour and dinner with my husband. Granted, we were there for dinner but it is a favorite place because they have a great beer selection. I didn’t even CONSIDER not having a beer. I told myself it was a rough week, and this was the perfect answer. I was tired all week, I had a lot of neck pain (too much yoga over the weekend) that led to massive headaches like I have never experienced. My work was crazy, blah, blah, blah. When we got home we had a fire in our backyard fire pit. The fire pit was built at least two years ago and we never used it. It was a beautiful night and my husband had a great time building and tending to the fire, and of course we had a few beers. I was mad at myself for not being able to say no, and didn’t thoroughly enjoy the fire or time with my husband because I was internally beating myself up.
I woke up Saturday not feeling so great, still exhausted, now dehydrated. I didn’t go to the gym and ended up taking a nap at 10am. When I finally got going we decided to go to a craft fair. The weather was cloudy after being gorgeous all week, and I felt like I had a storm cloud right over my head. We weren’t there an hour and it was time for a beer. The fair was wonderful with amazing pieces of art of all kinds. Yet I was still wrestling with myself because I still could not say NO. We went to a second art fair and the skies opened up and it started to pour rain. It was storming in my head too. I could not get over myself. Why could I not enjoy something without a beer? We ended up leaving there and going where? A tap room! At this point I had completely caved. Bring it on, I thought. I have lost he battle.
On Sunday, I had to clear the clouds from my head, just like the clouds had cleared outside and the sun was shining. I decided to go the local nursery and get some new flowers, then pick up some pumpkins to make a little autumn scene on our back deck (see pic above). Walking among the flowers perked me up some. And it didn’t involve beer! I met my husband for lunch and still, no beer. I came home and got to work creating my nature scene. It was good to get my hands dirty and bring some new color to the outdoors. That night we attended an art pickup for non-profit art project in Cincinnati. First nature, now art. Things were looking up. It was held at a glass blowing company and both my husband and I got to make glass pumpkins. It was fun! I received three, unique pieces of amazing art by local artists. And yes, I had a glass of wine. Or two. But the surroundings were awesome and inspiring.
Monday morning. I tell myself I am still committed to losing weight. I told myself I would have setbacks and I did. I know I can’t change habits I have had for several years in one weekend. But it was a rough few days of storm clouds and street fighting in my mind. But I will not be deterred. I will keep fighting my fight. And I will do it with compassion and self-love, because it was what I would encourage others to do. Talking the talk – easy. Walking the walk – no so much. It is time to be my own coach, not my own worst enemy.
So tonight I write this blog to give me perspective. I will write my intention tonight, and start to get my plan in writing. That’s what a good coach would ask their client to do. I will start with me.